11 Lessons for Success in Addiction Recovery

Getting High on Recovery

11-lessons-for-success-in-addiction-recoveryI have worked as a counselor for more than 25 years. For 11 of those years I have worked as an Addiction Therapist. I teach on the Psychology of Addiction, but my experience is not only from my day job or my academic role.

I have had bouts of addiction to food and I have been diagnosed with clinical depression. Growing up, my father was an alcoholic. The impact of a childhood lived with a parent who is addicted to a substance can have long lasting echoes.

Addiction is personal for me. I care a great deal about people who suffer from addiction and long for freedom. What I would like to share with you is some of the lessons I have learned as a therapist who specializes in addiction and recovery.

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A letter to my narcissist lover …

The hurt don’t matter as long as your happy ….Narc Lesson 1 👌😖

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Dear My Narcissist Lover:

It is January 1st.  Happy New Year!

I’m lying here reflecting over the past year. I think about how this time last year, you were in hot pursuit of my affections. (I have the texts to prove it) I think about how I didn’t even know you were interested in me ‘like that’ until you made it quite clear. You know what I mean. It was fun. I loved the attention and soon got used to it. Despite my intimate knowledge of your many lovers, I figured what the hell, I can do this. As long as I knew you liked me and had a modicum of respect for my feelings, what you did with others just did not seem to matter. I jumped in with both feet with full disclosure. Do I have any regrets? Nope, not really.

Then you took the attention away. You…

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Sociopath lack of conscience, lack of remorse, guilt or shame

Dating a Sociopath

The most incredible trait of a sociopath, is their complete lack of conscience, lack of empathy, remorse, guilt or shame.

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This is one of the hallmark traits of the sociopath. It means that they can do practically anything, and then act as if nothing as happened. What are you making a fuss about?

Sociopaths have no fear. They do not care what others think of them (unless it involves being exposed, which would affect their ability to con further). A sociopath can do and say the MOST outrageous things, and then act like nothing ever happened when it is convenient for them. They are all different and they all do different things but examples would be:

  • Compulsive pathological lying (outrageous ridiculous lies)
  • Deception and manipulation (conning)
  • Cheating and infidelity
  • Living like a parasite
  • Faking ‘love’
  • Theft

It never occurs to the sociopath that the person that they are deceiving or…

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The sociopath will always accuse YOU of what they are guilty of themself

Circular Arguments… No Thankyou 😖💔😖

Dating a Sociopath

Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.

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The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

Examples of this are

  • Accusing you of cheating
  • Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
  • Accusing you of talking about them
  • Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves

The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering…

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8 Clear Warning Signs Of A Toxic Relationship

JamesMSama.com

This is a very difficult topic to discuss – because you’ve got to be sensitive to people’s feelings, but at the same time, give them a dose of reality.

It’s both disappointing and unfortunate to see how many abusive relationships are happening on a daily basis, and thought to be normal.

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It’s important to note that you don’t need physical violence in order to have an abusive relationship. And don’t forget, both men and women can be guilty of this.

If you are made to feel any of the following ways or recognize any of the following things, then you truly need to take a step back, put your emotions aside, and ask yourself what your partner is really bringing to your life.

– You always feel guilty, but don’t know why. –

Is your partner always making you feel as though you did something wrong, but you genuinely can’t…

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8 Things Happy Couples Don’t Do

JamesMSama.com

Sometimes, building a solid healthy relationship isn’t just about what partners do, but what they don’t do.

Here are 8 things that you won’t find in the habits of happy couples.

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Happy couples never discourage each other.

Two people who love and care for each other would never attempt to discourage their partner or hold them back in life. They encourage and support each other when it comes to chasing after goals and dreams.

Holding someone else back while in a relationship will only lead to resentment in the long run – ironically, loosening your grip often keeps someone closer.

Happy couples don’t play mind games.

Even something as simple as “how long do I wait before I call?” goes out the window when you’re with the right person who is mature and understands you. Call when you want to call, text when you want to text. There will be…

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10 Clear Signs Of A Great Relationship

Why is reading this like a horse kicking my stomach….😖

JamesMSama.com

Perfection, as we know, is not attainable. One of the reasons why it’s not attainable is that it has a different meaning for everyone. What one person defines as “perfection” could be completely different from another.

Furthermore, perfection doesn’t allow room for real life. It doesn’t allow room for personality, for nuances, for the very things that make people and relationships beautiful.

What we can strive for, though, is finding what we could consider the “ultimate” relationship for us. When that one person walks into your life and makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

What does this type of relationship look like?

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There is no judgment.

Happiness in a relationship comes from two teammates who are able to be open and honest with each other. That honesty comes from being comfortable to open up and know that you will not be judged.

When you’re…

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15 Signs You’re With A Good Man

JamesMSama.com

When it comes to dating and relationships, I often find myself wondering how certain people end up with others. Wondering why they don’t walk away if they don’t get what they deserve and hoping that they truly appreciate their teammate if they are getting what they deserve.

I think a big part of the problem blurring this line is that many people aren’t even quite sure what a healthy relationship looks like these days or how a ‘good man’ (or woman) should act towards their partner. To help clarify, I have put together this list of how a good man should act while in a relationship.

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A good man never lets you forget how much he loves you.

I cannot tell you how many conversations I have had with women who tell me that there is no affection in their relationship. The man in their life does not make them feel…

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No Excuses: 10 Things Good Men Will Never Do

Gut feelings…

JamesMSama.com

I find lately that any time I write an article outlining certain traits of men or how we “should” or “shouldn’t” act in a relationship (I have to be careful with those words because people often accuse me of telling everyone how to act…) that I get plenty of backlash from those who disagree with what I am saying because men do not realistically act in these ways.

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First thing is first – Good men do act in these ways. If you are going to put an asterisk on behavior that is to be expected from well-adjusted, emotionally stable, good men, then that is not the type of person you are dating.

Here are a few things that should make you strap on a jet pack and full throttle it in the other direction.

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A good man will never pick apart your looks.

“Oh, if only your hair was a…

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